If, like me, you have been in the game for a while, I am sure you have noticed how leaders who have been on highly-regarded and more than likely very expensive leadership programmes, often come back to the ranch inspired at the start, but, in the longer term, show little change in their behaviour and how they lead others.
We know from our experiences that many leadership development initiatives fail, and yet large sums of money continue to be poured into this area. So, what’s going wrong?
Having spent many years working with talent and leaders in organisations, as well as having been on my own leadership journey, I have come to the conclusion that what’s often missing is an appreciation of the fundamental complexity of what lies beneath our behaviours. We humans are highly complex products of all our experiences, and, until we start to foster a higher level of self-awareness, we are often being run by patterns of the past. These patterns most commonly reside firmly in the subconscious and, as Jung said ‘until we make the unconscious conscious , it will direct our life and we will call it fate’.
Our behaviours are the tip of the iceberg. Underneath them lies a vast array of mindsets, emotions, feelings and beliefs, many unconscious. Exploring this realm can feel like a dive into deep, unknown waters; it can feel uncomfortable, or even scary and overwhelming. But this deep dive is key to unlocking the self-awareness it takes to truly change. If, as leaders, we are operating primarily from a place of logic and reasoning, we simply don’t have access to the full remit of our potential, which undoubtably will affect how we engage with others and build relationships.
We are hard-wired for growth, and the uncomfortable truth is that if we cling on to what we know, what we have always done and rely on what got us to this stage, we will surely come unstuck. Growth requires courage and a degree of humility. The willingness to say: ‘I don’t have it all figured out’, and the willingness to stop judging, pointing the finger ‘out there ‘ and to start to take full ‘response- ability ‘ for ourselves and what is showing up on the big screen that’s our life. It may surprise many to waken up to the realisation that what’s being created ‘out there’ has so much to do with what’s being created inside, consciously or unconsciously. Few things give me greater joy than to witness and walk alongside a leader on this transformational journey; to watch the magic happen, see it translate into happier teams, greater collaboration, better alignment and more peace of mind.
Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. A few years ago I worked with a senior leader who talked a good game in terms of empowering others and the importance of delegation. He understood these concepts intellectually and theoretically. In reality though, when we looked at the staff engagement scores in his area they told a different story. This leader was brilliant in terms of his strategic understanding, his intellect, his knack of grasping extremely complex issues quickly, and his outstanding ability to stay calm in a crisis and communicate clear messages to the troops. So what was going wrong? Why the poor engagement scores?
Together we discovered that he was being run by a deep need to be in control of everything and to consistently prove to his organisation, and the world at large, how amazing he was. He struggled with the concept of failure, and he also struggled with those who didn’t operate at the same pace as him. These were ostensibly the behaviours that were getting in the way – however the root cause lay somewhat deeper. This man had been brought up by a father with exceptionally high expectations for his son and for whom nothing was ever quite ‘good enough’. In his childhood home failure was something to be ridiculed, and he had spent his whole life driving himself to go faster, and to be more and more brilliant. Added to this was a boarding school education in his teen years, where he learned to become an expert at blocking out his feelings and showing the world how self-sufficient and capable he was.
The reality is that if we have never healed our ‘childhood wounds’ – and we all have them by virtue of being human, then this will prevent us from accessing our ‘whole being’ as leaders, from using our head, heart and gut to make decisions As this leader shone the light on what was really running him, he started to become more self-aware, moment to moment, and realised he had been perceiving a separation between himself and others, and operating in a highly individualistic way. When he was able to respond from a more conscious place, rather than simply to react to those around him, he found that collaboration, workplace engagement and relationships took a dramatic turn for the better. When he was able to demonstrate a bit more empathy and understanding of employees – of who they are and not just what they do – he actually felt more connected, both to others and to himself.
It is my firm belief that if we want changes in leadership behaviour to last, then we must start to address the whole person and be prepared to open the ‘Pandora’s box.’ The process requires courage and commitment, but the benefits in the long run are nothing short of transformational, for the leader themselves and everyone around them.