Human beings are natural chameleons, from dressing for the occasion, to adopting business-like or social manners, we adapt our behaviours to suit our environments in a million little ways each day, mostly on an unconscious level.

There’s nothing wrong with making the effort to fit in to your environment – in fact being able to flex your style where you need to is a sign of emotional intelligence. But what if fitting in means denying your feelings, suppressing your judgement or abandoning your core values?

When you feel like you must pretend to be someone you’re not to avoid being judged or stigmatised, it is time to ask yourself some serious questions. Only you will know if you are being true to yourself, whether that be in a work role, in an organisation, or in a relationship. But if you find yourself feeling out of sorts, uncomfortable, or ill at ease in that particular space – then the chances are you’re not.

While you might get very good at playing the role, over time shoehorning yourself into a part which deep down jars with who you really are can become exhausting, and bring about a disconnect with your authentic self, with all the mental and emotional health issues that come with that. Ultimately living a lie will drain your energy and sap your enjoyment of this journey called life.

So, it’s worth taking the time to tune in to those moments in your own career and relationships where that feeling of discomfort emerges. If you can pinpoint where you feel you are not being completely authentic, or where you might be losing your power for fear of being judged or in order to fit in, then you’ll be better equipped to tap into a truer, more authentic place to live your life from. Perhaps consider journaling on it – you may be surprised at what emerges.

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This, according to Australian palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware, is the most common regret of the dying. Bronnie, who worked for many years caring for people in the last weeks of their lives, recorded their dying epiphanies in her moving book ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.’ It wasn’t a want of success, or wealth, or experiences that left their mark. The biggest regret for the majority facing the end of their days was that they hadn’t lived a life true to who they were; they hadn’t gone after their dreams, instead letting others’ expectations define their success and dictate their choices. While we might avoid the thought of our own mortality – especially during our 20s and 30s – there’s nothing like a date with death, as I like to call it, to cut through all the noise and reveal what truly matters. In my own life, a cancer diagnosis in my 30s left me wrestling with this question sooner than I would have thought, although looking back now I can see how that experience has served me well. I know that I am one of the lucky ones to have come through it. While that, thankfully, is not an experience the majority of you will have had, the fact is we’re all here for a limited amount of time and simply by imagining what we might look back on – what we might value – at the moment of our own death, can give us a powerful insight into how we can live a fuller, better life now. Looking at your life through the prism of your own mortality can help you see where you might be letting someone else define what success looks like for you, or where you’re slogging to keep up the pace, although you know it’s not making you happy. It can expose the dreams you’ve put aside because you were worried about what others might think or say, or worried that you might fail, and help you imagine what might be possible for you, in your career and your relationships, if you found the courage to be truly authentic. As Bronnie so eloquently put it: ‘Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.” So, why not realise it? By fostering that vision of yourself at the end of your time here, looking back with satisfaction at a truly authentic life in which you made brave decisions to be true to yourself, you can unlock the fears which hold you back now, and tap into the power already in your hands. Go ahead and book a date with death, and see if you can prevent the most common regret of the dying being yours one day too.

Why do we find it so darn hard sometimes to get out there and let our light shine?

We know at some level that we are magnificent creatures, destined for great things. We’ve had glimpses of it and a part  of us really want’s to step out and shine in our own beautiful ways. We know deep down that our life isn’t some random event and there’s a purpose to why we are here and especially as women, we often find ourselves being very quick to acknowledge how fabulous and talented other women are.  What is it that comes into play when we are getting ready to let our own light shine , or perhaps we have even boldly stepped out there and claimed that ‘space’ for ourselves but it’s the aftermath that kicks in. Was I good enough? Are they judging me? In my own case was I ‘too much’ ? Too full of myself, too cocky . Did I take up too much ‘space’  I remember the 7 year old girl with a spirit that often seemed just too damn big for her body ( I am still little in stature but have been told on a good day that I am far from little in presence ) Aaahhh darn it . there I go again. Judging myself. Who the hell do you think you are?

Sisters, this stuff lives in all of us, We are mirrors for each other. Yes we can reflect each other’s shadows and there are many gifts lurking in that territory but we can also reflect each other’s glory. Of course it’s easier to do all of that in a truly authentic way when our own gremlin isn’t running the show.

Where in your own life do you know that you are ready to ‘step out and shine’, to step into a long held dream or vision, to be able to fully express yourself the way you would like to and to know and really honour the idea that you are ‘good enough’. Perhaps that’s what lies at the heart of this. Am I good enough to let my light shine in the way my heart is calling me to? AM I strong enough to show my vulnerability? To not make up that it’s a weakness but to remember and recognise that it’s part of being human.

To quote that Marianne Williams poem.

‘We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others’

 

So Shine Sister Shine!